Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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