Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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