i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
