from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
