Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she looked like the before picture.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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