very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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