Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
