just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
