When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
