Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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