You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
