he thought i was a dude.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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