That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
