ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
