porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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