I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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