how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
