Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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