I'm lost and stupid without you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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