I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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