Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude. I can hear the air.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
