chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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