i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
