Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
