you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
