Absence makes the cock grow harder.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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