Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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