so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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