How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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