Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
