I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
NoShamevember. You game?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
