I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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