I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
