i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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