Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
