well you can't waste a boner
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
