Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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