I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
