yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
