I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
