woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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