I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
