I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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