did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
