She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
