just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
