So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
