my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
