YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did I show you my penis last night?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
