he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
