just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
