Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
