i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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