There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
