You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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