Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
