Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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